Day 172 - Hurt people...hurt people

OK today was a Loooooooooong day! And I mean LONG! It started off with what felt like an everything I've done wrong e-mail then proceeded to me crushing a very good friend of mine unintentionally.  Can I say sometimes I need to just keep my mouth shut - because what I want to say NEVER comes out like I wanted it to, and when it comes right down to what I'm really trying to say.....I always screw up because I'm SO worried about protecting my feelings - or about what someone else thinks about me.  So in my persuit to keep all of that "in-line" so to speak, I ended up hurting my friend today. 

IDK WHY I find it so freaking hard to just be vulnerable, but I do.  And IF the individual is reading this I AM SORRY!

Breakfast: cereal
Snack: grapes and yogurt
Lunch: provolone and ham
Snack: missed
Dinner: turkey, chicken and potatoes

After having SUCH a crappy day, I had decided that I was NOT cooking, and I went to Lifeway to get me a new devotional (to somehow try to re-gain focus) and then to the grocery to get a clearance chicken....(sad when you know what time they clearance the rotissery chickens).  While there, I met a lady (in the clearance aisle) who really lifted my spirits.  Even to the point of becoming friends on Facebook.  Funny how when I doubt EVERYTHING....God shows up.

From my devotional tonight: "Getting healthy isn't about losing weight. It's not limited to adjusting our diet and hoping for good physical results.  It's about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change - spiritually, physically and mentally.  And the battle really is in all three areas."  I think I've been fighting the wrong battle and focusing in the wrong area!

I can so relate to her prayer of "unsettle me Lord.  Unearth that remnant of justification.  Shake loose that pull towards compromise.  Reveal that broken shard of secrecy.  Expose that tendency to give up.  Unsettle me in the best kind of way.  For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul......Unsettle me Lord.  I can rest assured though the journey will be hard, I will be held.  Goodbye to my remnants, my justification, shards and tendencies.  This is not who I am - nor who i was created to be.  Goodbye to shallow efforts, self-focus and suspicious fears that I'll never find victory in this area of my life.  I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in distractions or distruction!"