Day 89 - Is this my place-mat?

Well, today I did it again.  But with the attitude of you know what I screwed it yesterday, so may as well do it again today, and get back on track on Monday.  I have no clue why I have been just feeling like I don't care.  I even talked to Nikki on Thursday night and told her that I'm really not feeling like doing this anymore.  She told me to do what I need to do to get through this weekend, pray about it and if that is my decision, then ok. 

I think that the quote to the right is quite fitting!  It's so easy for me to look at the 70+ pounds I NEED to lose instead of the 20+ I have lost.  I guess in my mind I saw myself being a lot further along in the process than this.  It's not been easy or necessarily fun.  Honestly, it's felt like a second job...or make it third!

I'm not one to easily admit defeat, but I'm thinking that this one has got me.  In our Bible study this week, the theme was we were supposed to tell one another when you see them being weak in a food decision that "you were made for more". I have a hard time with that one. Just being honest.  I have a hard time with that one. Just being honest. I can say I hate it when people like to throw my past or my mistakes in my face. Chances are, I'm already beating myself up enough about them....I don't need any unsolicited help.

 But my trainer has never once done this to me.  It's actually been quite the opposite.  I have tried to get her to fire me because that would be easier than quitting on her - letting her down, failing....not being "good enough".  But I have to say that she has shown me unconditional love and mercy when it has come to this whole thing ~ she's even warned me on more than one occasion that this is a roller coaster, but to just keep going.  And for the people who are dragging me down, that God would reveal those relationships and that I would have the courage to let them go.


This weight-loss battle has turned into a spiritual battle for me.  As of today, I can recognize it.  For whatever reason (not to give him too much credit) but Satan is getting an idea of how God can use this, and he's trying to put a stop to it.  Well, all I can say is ok, I've got this....again.....and when I don't I'm going to turn to my true friends including my trainer and I'm gonna pray and press through. 

Breakfast: shake
Snack: PB, Zeke, apples and muffin
Lunch: Shane's sampler with okra and baked beans and OH LORD I have the worst heartburn known to man!
Snack: none
Dinner: salad

Please pray for me that I will somehow find the strength to get through this and keep going, and that when I feel I can't that I will have friends who help pick up the slack and keep me on track - ones like the paralyzed man in Mark 2 of the Bible had....when he couldn't walk....they picked him up, carried him, encouraged him and believed for him.  That act alone forever changed the heart of one man......but also those who were around and witnessed! I pray I will also be a mat holder!