Day 87 - What am I doing?

OK, so I'm 87 days into this....and the "eh" feeling is setting in.  I have continued to lose weight and inches consistently (I only gained once) and yet, I am just feeling "eh" over it all.  It's funny b/c I have all of these people around me trying to rally me to keep going and I just want to quit.....and it's NOT b/c I am not getting results....b/c I very much am. 

My trainer has been right there cheering me along the way, but b/c of the events of the past 2 weeks, she has not pushed me too hard....and I have probably interpreted that as well, she doesn't seem too worried about it, so why should I?  This is in no way anyones journey BUT mine and I blame NO ONE except myself for my failures!  My friends have TACKLED me over rolls and even taken my cup of hashbrown cassarole.  *that made me ill.....b/c I was HUNGRY!*

Breakfast: smoothie
Snack: PB on Zeke
Lunch: spaghetti and salad
Snack: Hashbrown cassarole
Dinner: 2 pieces of cantaloupe, carrots, tomatoes, chicken, peas, greenbeans

Yep, I flubbed an entire day over hashbrowns....and I really didn't care.  I keep asking myself "why do I keep doing this?"  In my head, I somehow don't feel I deserve to be small again....and even if I DO get there, I'm never going to have a good looking bod again......UGH....I know it's retarted, but this is just where I am right now.